WELCOME TO SQUACK JACK SHELLAQUE'S MOST GNARLY ESCORT REVIEW

Dollar Bill is a pussy. I know that because he's been my friend for years. In fact, I'd say he's gay if I hadn't heard from a bunch of skanks that his dick gets hard for their worn-out pussies. And if a guy can go into a ho house and wear out an already treadless tire, he can't be gay. That's a man's man.

I was introduced to the world of flatbackers (his word) while Editor at SCREW. Dollar was all over the office what with selling advertising and writing stories for the paper. One day we got to talking about pussy (like what else would you do at Screw) and I revealed I hadn't been laid for months. Dollar was indignant.

"How the fuck can you be the Editor of Screw and not get laid for months?" he asked. And before I could even answer, he was on my phone calling up a ho house to hook me up. 

"Hey! This is Billy from Screw's phone. I'm in the office with the Editor and I want to get him laid! Set the guy up and I'll get you a free guide listing. Trust me...you'll make the money back a hundred times over." 

That was his pitch. And that very night, I had a skank shining my knob and slobbering my shaft. Awesome! Good thing I'm not gay. I'd have fallen in love with the guy right then and there!

So back to why Dollar's a pussy. He's so scared of the law his blog has turned to mush. All the skanks are escorts or companions whereas they were once ho's, skanks, flatbackers, cocksuckers and what not. And the guys who go see the hose bags morphed from tricks and johns to mongers and hobbyists. Now that's gay right there! Fucking mongers! Sounds like a Ken doll looks!

A couple of days ago Dollar was lamenting how soft he'd become, and how he's not even worthy of any of these beasts now that his blog has become so fucking impotent. Thus, he solicited me to be his alter ego, suggesting that I go see some girls and really tell it like it is...Screw style. No holds barred! Just so I don't publish phone numbers or accept money from advertisers he said I can say whatever the fuck I want.

With the promise that eventually girls will fuck me free to be reviewed on my blog (my lips to God's ears), I'm starting this site today. Hopefully, I'll have some fun in the process...and Dollar can live vicariously through me - as His Royal Flaccidity is in full effect! 

And away we go!